Saturday, January 06, 2007

Tears to the New Year

Hello again. Sorry for the absence. Ginny & I enjoyed a Lake Providence Christmas. We also trekked down to Mickey World in order to witness the hogs lose up close and personal. You know, television cannot truly reveal how pathetic we played- I’m sure glad I was able to witness it. Aside from the game, the trip was good times. To add some salt, Ginny’s beloved Alabama plays the hogs in hoops today. That should be fun.

We know that many of you do not need the following plea, but people continue to ask for information. So we give it. If you’re one that prays, Ginny and I would ask that you pray for us. If you are not one that prays…maybe now would be a good time for you to start. I can’t think of anything better for you to pray for than me.

The waves of heartache have not relented. It has been about two and a half months since we held Eliot. The subconscious hope that time would make it better only fails. Pain is a process we have only just begun.

Although we attempted to brace ourselves, Christmas and New Year’s brought anguish in unexpected manner. Returning from anywhere is difficult. Our house is painfully empty. Painfully quiet upon our return. Taking down the Christmas decorations reminded us that our first Christmas without Eliot had come and gone. When filling out the “from” of the gifts we gave, Ginny wanted nothing more than to fill the blank with, “Matt, Ginny, & Eliot”. It didn’t seem right to put it. It didn’t seem right not to.

New Year’s Eve served as my reminder that this world can provide nothing to comfort me. The setting was quite amazing. There we were in the middle of Mickey-Mania. Tons of people. Beautiful weather. Everyone celebrating a new year complete with blaring music synced with some serious fireworks. And me just trying to hide my tears. I did not want to go. The year 2006 was the best year of my life. Eliot’s entire life was encapsulated by it. Moving on holds no appeal to me. I just want to go back.

As to my resolutions, I must give an introduction. I think New Year’s resolutions are pretty foolish. They just set me up for failure and I think we can all feel like failures enough without them. However, I equate them with praying before a meal. To me (apologies in advance), praying before a meal is sort of dumb. It’s kind of the southern right thing to do cause your momma did. If it serves as just a checkbox, then I would be better not to just ramble and actually approach God at a later time. Now, talking to the Lord is a good thing. If I can use meal times to remind me to do that, then so be it. Likewise, reflecting on your life is a good thing. And if I use New Year’s to do it. Then that seems good.

Eliot’s shadow is cast over our whole world. We approach things we have done a million times in a new way. For this I am thankful. Here is a sampling of some resolutions I have made in view of my son’s impact upon me:

- Look for ways to intentionally love & serve people in a surprising way.
- Approach God’s Word out of my deep need.
- Be a cheerful giver.
- Live in the perspective that Eliot provided (some things are not worth the worry…find those things deserving of my effort and go at them).
- Realize that my failure to attain any of these (listed or not) does not affect my worth in the eyes that matter.

May we all be filled with hope for 2007.

Matt & Ginny Mooney

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

I wish I had profound words to bring you comfort (or I wish words could bring you comfort), but know you and Ginny are being prayed for.

FunkyMonkeyJunk said...

Matt and Ginny,

I know I can't bring you the comfort that only He can bring. But I can listen (read!) and pray over you. I can stand by and know that two and a half months is nothing in the grand scheme of healing. Healing that will never be completed here on earth. Thank God!

Pain somehow strips everything mundane away from our thoughts and emotions. Personally, it leaves me raw. It leaves me sensitive and at times flinching to every sensation that crosses me. But also through that rawness, I am pulled closer to my Father where I can feel His comfort more deeply than I've ever felt. I pray that He draw you near today and in this coming year. Please be gentle with yourselves.

In Him,
Andi

Stephen said...

Knowing that words don't comfor and He does, it brings me great joy in the midst of any trial even one as great as yours to know that the Lord is near, even when He feels far He is near. It brings me great joy to know that the Lord has given me a wonderful family, even when they don't understand my pain they are wonderful because they love me and they truly care for me. It brings me joy to know that the Lord has given me friends to walk through this life with, often friends that walk closer than family simply because of proximity and stage of life, even when they don't fully understand and when words won't suffice theie being there brings me comfort. I know they are praying for me and I know that in the utter brokeness of the moment He will see me through because there is nothing in this life that can ever separate me from the love of the Father, neither life nor death and for that I am greatful. We are praying for you and know that we are here to walk through this with you and rejoice in our great God because there is no trial that is too great for our God. We love you dearly and cherish our friendship with you.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you.

Jamie said...

I've been reading your blog for some time and I check in on Weds. to see what you've posted. I'm so sorry the holidays have been so difficult for you and Ginny. :o(

Time does heal, but you'll never be the same. Please don't think less of yourself because, after only two and a half months, "normal" seems so far away. You've said it yourself, but you're parents now. "Normal" is never the same again. As with all things, you'll find a new rhythm and a new normal.

I have thought of you and Ginny and Eliot often, even though we're strangers and I will keep you all in my prayers. I was and still am awed by the faith the two of possessed and continue to posses in the face of what is the most difficult thing a parent must ever encounter.

I do pray that the two of you continue to heal this New Year. I pray that you both hurt less and smile more. I pray you remember that it just takes time to heal and that there should be no expectations as to how long it takes. It's personal and it happens when it does.

Anonymous said...

My 14 year old prayed for you tonight...we pray for you daily. It has become a part of us--we will continue.

Erin Hansel said...

The decision to have a child is to make the decision to allow your heart to live outside of your body for the rest of your life.

jan margrave said...

erin's words are so true. your heart is never the same after having a child. after 58 years on this earth, my heart has broken, healed and broken again. i have been through much and seen much. you WILL heal. in time. don't apologize for the tears or for the inability to see the world as you did a year ago. you wouldn't want to erase the year of blessing just so you wouldn't feel the pain you experience now. God truly blesses those who take a personal tragedy and are able to view the world through eyes bathed in sadness and despair. it changes your outlook - it changes you. it will be difficult for some time but He does make you perfect through your weakness. please continue to post - this seems like such a safe place to express this part of the journey that God has chosen to take you on. i pray for supernatural revelations of His goodness through the coming days. we all love you without knowing you.

Anonymous said...

I love that you said 2006 was the best year of your life--some would think it would be the worst because you lost Eliot. 2006 was our best year, too, because we had Addison, but her syndrome diagnosis also made it the hardest. It was bittersweet for me to say "Happy New Year."

I'm praying that 2007 is filled with unexpected graces, blessings, and hope for you and Ginny, and that while it'll never hold a candle to 2006, that it will be one you also don't want to let go of.

Lisa said...

I pray that 2007 will bring you peace and renewed hope for the future. I pray that we all remember the impact that your sweet baby boy had, and continues to have on many of us! We are so thankful that you shared him and continue to share with us that still log on to check on you =)

Time will never heal the pain, it just eases it. Your arms will not always be empty, even though what you hold in the future will never replace Eliot. I pray for great things for you this coming year and hope each day that you struggle through makes you smile a little more than the day before.

Much prayer still coming from Texas.....

Lisa Hartsfield
Arlington, TX

Lacey said...

Praying for you & Ginny as you find your way.

Anonymous said...

I think about you three all the time. All the time....

Keeping you in my prayers,
Garrett

Anonymous said...

We continue to pray for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm with everyone else--still praying for you. You came to mind a couple of time over the holidays and I prayed for you then, too. Not forgetting Claire's family, either.

Sorry--but there's no way that basketball game helped! Bama played terribly. Roll Tide anyway!

Anonymous said...

Prayers, lots and lots of prayers. And love, lots and lots of love to you both...and to sweet Eliot too!
Jenny Beth

Anonymous said...

Matt,

Thank you for for painful honesty. Thank you for sharing openly of the pain and tears because by sharing them with us, you allow us the chance to stand in the gap for you so completely. I have to think that our Father is so pleased that for once, His children are "grasping the concept" of bearing one another's burdens with love. You and Ginny are still in the prayers of hundreds of your brothers and sisters. There is a time to mourn and just as surely as our Lord will return, there will be a time for dancing again someday. Until then, we've got your back.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to recommend the tiny little book at the Christian bookstore -- Good Grief. It really has helped me in my journey.

I also want to encourage you in sort of a roundabout way. I have prayed for a child for so long and have yet to have that gift. I pray that you attempt in your grief to remember that the short time Eliot was here was worth this grief! It was worth being a father and having a son. I'm sure you already knew that, but I wanted to encourage you to remember it.

Grief does get better and it doesn't always go in a straight line. We hop around on it. I can speak, from someone who has been in the pits of despair, that one day, I just found myself laughing again and realized, for a moment, I wasn't sad and that there would be new moments just like it.

I continue to pray ...

one smarmy mama said...

still praying for you guys. you're amazing parents.

I gave my mom my eliot necklace for Christmas and she loved it and was so touched by your story. :)

Mrs. Olivia said...

Good morning Matt and ginny! Aunt renee showed we the fireworks picture and we think it looks like a dove right above the explosion- A reminder of His spirit that will continue to guide you both- Thank you for posting and know that I pray for daily- When someone comments on my Eliot necklace, I briefly(try to anyway) tell His story and direct them to your blog- I think Matt's resolutions are excellent goals for each of us-Take care and mayHis peace and power surround you both everyday- Love and prayers, Mrs. Olivia

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you and Ginny. For hope in 2007 and healing.

Anonymous said...

Mooney's...your relationship with the Lord is a marvel. He has given you strengh for each hour, and insite into His glory. With all you've been through...God has blessed you by bringing you close to Himself.
Love you both!-brooke

Lisa said...

You have had my prayers over the holidays and continue to have them.
Lisa in S.C.

Anonymous said...

Matt and Ginny,
Thinking of you guys and continue to pray for you. I have tried to be specific when praying but I feel like I fail. I feel like I fail because what you are going through can't be easily mended. I just ask God to bring you some sense of peace and whether you laugh, smile or cry when you think of Eliot, I just ask for healing.
I continue to follow you guys. And I certainly love the comment about "well, maybe its time you start praying"
Shannon