Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Remembering

We have spent the day playing in the snow! I asked Ginny if she would relay a few of her thoughts. Always reluctanct. Always incredible.

Someone recently asked us for more information about the design of the 'eliot' necklace. There are nine beads on each side of a center piece representing Eliot's 99 days with us. Also, all the beads are alike except for one that stands out from the rest. They are packaged with a note of encouragement. We are just shy of selling 250. Which means we have over $2,000, solely from the necklace, to put to great use. The purpose is a work in progress.
_____________________

When Eliot was born I heard a very weak and very faint cry. I said, "he's crying! that means he's breathing right!?". Not the words usually spoken in a delivery room.


I went to the hospital where Eliot was born the other day. I sat outside of the room where he was delivered, the room where he took his first breath, room number 15. I went, not to be sad, but to remember. I thought that if I could just remember what it was like on that day, then my sadness would begin to turn into something else...gratefulness, joy, hope. I wanted to remember hanging so desperately onto Christ for strength that I could barely breathe. I wanted to remember the unknowns...Boy or girl?...Life or death? I wanted to remember the joy of that cry- because that cry meant that he was alive, that cry meant time- and I hoped, with all that I had, for time with this child I carried. I wanted to remember what it was like to stay up all night holding him that first night because we had no idea how long we would have with him. I wanted to remember, and I did. I relived day number one and I smiled.

We now know. 99 days. 99 beautiful days of relentlessly loving a sweet, sweet little boy named Eliot. 99 days that were a miracle. 99 days that I wish I could remember better. He has been gone for 3 months now, and my sadness & my missing him so badly makes everything, the wonder of his life, so hazy. It makes the joy of that day & of the 98 days that followed hazy; God broke through the haze for one short hour and helped me to see...He gave me a glimpse of His glory. I wait for more glimpses that will eventually turn into long stares at the glory of God through a little boy’s life. I know glory lives there. On day 99 I saw Eliot breathe his last breath. I was there, and despite the despair, I remembered on my visit back to the hospital that I also saw him breathe his first.

"the Lord gives & the Lord takes away. blessed be the name of the Lord"
Job 1:21

38 comments:

The Wooden Porch said...

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. Sunday was the fifth anniversary of our first baby's entrance into and departure out of this world. I've been reading your blog and thank you for the wisdom that you share to the world.

Anonymous said...

There are always so many things I'd like to say and when I go to type, they all sound ridiculous. What a sweet remembrance- please share more when you feel like it! Thinking of you-
Catherine

Anonymous said...

You are amazing Gin, as was Lil E-Bob...

I miss him, and love you guys...So thankful to have been able to know and love him, you guys, and Him.

Enjoy your snow day----J

Rachel said...

Ginny - thanks for sharing your pain and your joy in remembering sweet Eliot. I continue to think of y'all often and of course pray!
Rachel Norris

Anonymous said...

Unbelievable Ginny! I relived it with you as you wrote. Thank you for your volnerablity.
You are so incredibly beautiful inside and out...but especally to our Lord!
i love you!!
-b.robinson

Dwayne Bell <> said...

"Deep calls out to deep..."

Thanks for sharing your heart and deep thoughts...quiet and precious.

1 Peter 3:4 "... it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

"A woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised." Pro 31 -=db=-

Anonymous said...

Thank you Matt and Ginny for being so transparent, so honest. Your journey continues to illustrate so clearly God's love for us. We continue to think of you guys and pray for your comfort.

Carrie Uberecken

Anonymous said...

how about some more pictures...

Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

My heart hurts for you. Thank you for sharing your hurt; it ministers so much.

LCRsMom said...

Ginny, you and Matt both have such a gift in sharing what you go through now, and the life you had with Eliot. God has blessed you with words that give us a window into you. It's beautiful!

Lisa said...

Thank you Ginny for telling me the meaning of the necklace =) I just knew each bead represented something specific, I just did not know what exactly! You and Matt do not seem to do anything without meaning.

Still praying for you daily!

Lisa Hartsfield

RobinsonGirls said...

Thank you for sharing. I am glad you had a moment of rememberance that made you smile, no matter how briefly.

FunkyMonkeyJunk said...

I am so sorry for the pain the wake of his life left behind for you. And yet I am so grateful to witness how that pain has bound the two of you together and to God. It is an amazing thing to watch and it's an amazing thing to consider for our own lives.

Leslie said...

I love your thoughts and meditations. Thank you for sharing. What a blessing you are. I spent some time the other day re-reading the blog and looking at the pictures of Eliot. What an amazing testimony!

Erin From NY said...

Ginny, your messaged moved me, as the mother of 2 small children i cant imagine what you are going through. I checked your website vigilantly, and still do, all through out Eliots life, looking forward to pictures and good news. My heart broke the day that he passed. Eliot changed my life in the fact that we all have to live our life like you did for those 3 months, as though life is a precious, fragile gift. I will never forget you, your husband or little Eliot. God Bless.

Blessed Beyond Measure said...

Matt & Ginny, I just told my daughter (Sarah, In the Midst of It) about a baby born in our church body, back in November. He is a Trisomy 18 baby, named Christian. We've watched these parents journey through his birth, and now life with him. Sarah told me about your website and so I hope you won't mind me referring Christian's mom,Kim, here to read your posts. Christian is now 2 1/2 months old. I know Kim will be encouraged to read what you've shared from your heart, as it's likely very similar to what she and her husband are experiencing. xoxoox

Peach said...

I have shivers going up and down my arms right now as I think about being present for the first and last breaths of any of my children.

Thanks once again, Matt, for sharing from your heart and never holding back the reality of the life God has chosen for you.

Peach said...

So sorry -- forgot it was Ginny's post. Thank you, Ginny.

Jayme said...

Thank you Ginny for sharing your heart with us. We are still praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. I have been following your blog since the middle of October and I amazed at the strength that God has given you both. Please know that many prayers are being said for you!

kent mckeaigg said...

painful, powerful, peaceful.

All in a unique sort of way.

Anonymous said...

I guess we can never know what terrors or joys or heartbreaks Life will bring our way, all somehow sifted through the loving and powerful hands of God, but we CAN choose how we will experience them. Will we LIVE the moments of our lives, or will we rush through them, gulping them with chasers of frivolity or busyness? You have chosen to live the moments of the lives that God has placed before you. When you die, you will never have to wonder 'whether or not you have really lived'. With admiration and gratefulness, too, Debbie Stuckey

Jeanine said...

I found your blog through a friend's and have been reading about sweet Eliot since right after he went home with Jesus. I know we may never meet this side of Heaven, but I wanted to tell you that I am another life, of obviously so many, that has been touched and changed by Eliot's 99 day visit to this earth. Thank you for being so honest and for sharing your journey of faith with us. May God continue to lift you up in His strong arms.

Ashleigh said...

Every time I visit here, I have so many mixed emotions. My heart hurts so deeply for you, tears form in my eyes, and yet I am always so very amazed at how truly Christ just pours forth from both of you. I've often started to write a comment, but, honestly, I'm usually just speechless. There is something evident in both of you that I've rarely seen before... you make me hungry for more of my Jesus, but ache to see what that has meant for you. Praying for you still...

Kelly Akers said...

Ginny, thank you for being so real. I am amazed by Christ in you. We continue to pray for you guys.

Anonymous said...

God bless you and your sweet family.

Mrs Olivia said...

Oh, Ginny! Your words are so precious-Each day i will be reminded to remember those precious moments that get lost in the fog of living- As I remember you from a little girl to this amazing woman it is easy to see God's love in you- Some one reminded me that remember could be broken down into the prefix re( to do again) and member- It is a way to reconnect to the body of Christ who is our strength and hope-Please know that I continue to pray for you and Matt and your incredible journey ahead- take care- Love and prayers, Mrs. olivia

Borbe Bunch said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. You have touched me and I thank you. To God be the glory...
You are an amazing mommy.

Crazy Working Mom said...

I came across this powerful video today and I must say that I was moved...I am still moved. I can't imagine your love and your faith!
Thank you so much for being such good parents. Thank you so much!!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing the story of Eliot with all of the world. I am so incredibly inspired by the gift of love and compassion you and your husband have been given. You are amazing and beautiful people. God is truly great. I have four children, and I find myself grumbling, or taking them for granted sometimes (I am so ashamed to say that). Seeing and hearing your story really woke me up. I thank you, and I thank God for working through you and Eliot.

Anonymous said...

i first heard of your story when i was watching opera just minutes ago and saw the video.. i cried like a baby when i watched it.. such a sweet sweet lil boy and such wonderful parents the two of you are.. idk what i would of done if i was in ur situation.. i kno that thsi new baby will be so loved by the two of you. seeing elliots story has touched my heart in a special place.. and i am so sorry for your loss but im so happy for your gain.. after all 99 days are better than none..

God bless you all.

Anonymous said...

Like others, I just saw your story on Oprah and was so affected by your amazing grace and strength. Not only were you blessed to have Elliot for those precious 99 days - he was so blessed to have both of you as his parents. Your love and daily strength carried Eliot for those 99 days. I have a four year old son who is healthy and wonderful. I will hug him a little tighter tonight.

I'll be praying Eliots brother or sister is healthy and happy.

Wishing you the best from Colorado

Laura

JessT79 said...

I am so sorry for your lost. I just saw your baby's video/story on Oprah. I was blown away by that moving tribute to your son.

Best wishes that Eliot's little brother or sister is healthy and happy.

rose said...

First I would like to say that I am very sorry about your lose. I saw your story on the Oprah show boy I herd your story and I could not stop cryin. But please know that god gave your son two ANGELS to watch over him,until he was ready to go home to our heavenly father and that was both of you. I can't say I know how you feel. I have not had such a loss like yours. But hearing your story about how much both of you loved Eliot in such a short time is a life time of love for him.I look at it that every day he fought for his life it was ablessing to all of you. I look at it as if he had lived for 99 years of life in a short 99 days. Ilove that you had a birthday cake for him every month he was here. I also saw the up date on your having a baby girl. So congrats on that hope all is well with the new baby. You are in my thougths and prayers for along and happy healthy baby or more kids in the future.luv Rose

Anonymous said...

just wanted to say that i saw your story on opera about your very cute son eliot and i started to cry because i felt so bad and i just wanted to say that im so very sorry. i know u will always cherish the memmories u had with this little guy foever and ever. be strong and thank u for sharing your story with all of us who watched.

Anonymous said...

You’re amazing the beauty of having a child I cannot imagine having the knowledge that he was going to be taken away.
your strength is truly a testament to God and your love for your child. I could only hope that if I was face with a problem with my child that I could possess even one ounce of your strength then I would be doing good.
God bless and all my love and prayers.
Elizabeth Fox
Florida

JESSICA said...

I CRIED!! WHEN I SAW THE VIDEO AND I WAN TO SAY GOD BLESS THE FAMILY AND ELIOT. TAKE CARE

LOVE JESSICA C.
XOXO

I LOVE ELIOT:)
R.I.P
LOS ANGELES C.A

Anonymous said...

Dear Ginny, Thank you for sharing Eliot with us - and for reminding us that there is beauty amidst the despair. Love, Julie Henry