A Message to Me

Summer is upon us. No more school for a while. Ginny and I are embarking on some road trips this week. St. Louis and Louisiana, here we come. We continue to be humbled and grateful to those of you who have shared your stories with us or just let us know what Eliot’s has meant to you. Thanks.

A year ago today, we were in Little Rock, Arkansas still reeling from the realization that something was wrong with our baby. An ultrasound had revealed numerous anomalies, including a hole in the heart, and doctors were thinking it could all be related to a syndrome such as trisomy 18. It would be few more days until that diagnosis was confirmed. Those were tough days. Even with all that has since come, that day was the toughest single day of my life.

Granted, the day that Eliot left us would seem to take the cake, but I am still grappling with putting my heart and mind around that day; it seemed so surreal, and I could not take it all in, and so that day is something of a blur. But I vividly remember the pain of finding out.

Just a year later. But what a year. It encapsulated our parenthood, our every memory with Eliot. I was thinking what I would say to that guy that was me one year ago. If hindsight is supposedly 20/20, then I must need glasses. Because, I do not have all the answers for him; in all honesty, more questions than ever. But I view this as another positive produced in the last year.

However, I would have things to tell him. I would tell him the following:

➢ You are going to get to hold him (by the way, Ginny’s right, it’s a boy); and you’ll never believe how great it will be.

➢ You guys are his parents, so don’t be scared to tell the doctors and nurses to go away, you got him.

➢ Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to take him home. Don’t be afraid when he struggles. Don’t be afraid you can’t do it. All that time fearing is just wasted time better spent enjoying him. Just cherish him, and take it as it comes.

➢ This boy will usher in the greatest days of your life. Also the hardest. But there’s no way you would trade it, if it meant going without the good.

➢ His hair has a red-tint, so stop rolling your eyes every time Ginny tells you that she prays for a redhead…she’ll have the last laugh on this one.

➢ You’re right, your God is the only way you will come through this.

➢ But not like you think. He will show up through others, and they will be the only way you will come through this.

➢ Nope. I don’t have those answers for you.
But you just might come to grips with following the One who does, even though He does not provide them. He’s not all that you think He is. And that’s a good thing.